How to heal when someone cheats on you. 9 things you can do to heal from your partners infidelity and begin moving forward in your relationship after cheating.
When infidelity occurs in a relationship, it can feel like there’s no coming back after cheating.
What we understand is infidelity is far too common. According to MSNBC, the research about 20% of people in monogamous relationships cheat on their partner. There are many reasons why people cheat, but often it’s not talked about.
Psychology Today suggest there are numerous reasons why someone cheats, which ranges from: falling out of love, feeling neglected in a relationship, differences in sexual desire, to feeling anger toward their partner.
Below are 8 thing to do to begin the healing process in your relationship.
1. Understanding you cannot change the past.
In order for the relationship to begin the healing process, it’s important to understand that we cannot change what has occurred after the cheating.
This is not to say that we forget how our partner has caused us pain, but to understand that the past is the past.
Let’s try to stay in the present.
2. Moving past the pain.
When your partner stepped out of the relationship, it’s completely natural to feel the connection has been severed.
It can be difficult to understand how to manage the unwanted feelings that are associated with this violation.
By understanding that it takes time to move past this pain, you can begin the healing process fom cheating.
3. Focus on the feelings.
It’s likely you’ve asked yourself why this happened. While it’s easy to want to know the details and specifics why your partner stepped out – it’s important to focus on the feelings that are associated with this experience with the cheating.
We may want to know specifics of what occurred, it’s important to know this will only fuel your anger and pain. Eventually, this leads to more frustration, causing more pain.
It’s important to focus on the feelings associated with the experience, rather than the content of that experience.
By focusing on our feelings, we can begin to communicate our pain and discomfort to our partner.
4. Taking space and time for ourselves.
The most important thing is to respect our feelings and understand that it is important to be aware of them. We MUST communicate our needs for space.
5. Stop DON’T act…
While it’s easy to react to how your feeling in the moment, it’s important to take a step back, stop and think.
6. Use “I feel” statements…
One of the biggest challenges couples face is the ability to express their emotions. When infidelity is added into the mix, it makes it even more difficult to communicate.
When we communicate it’s important to use “I feel” statements. By using “I feel,” it allows your partner to better understand how their actions have caused you pain from their cheating.
7. Avoid trying to immediately understand why the cheating occurred.
While it’s our immediate desire to know why the cheating occurred, it’s important to ask yourself if you’re at a place where you can have an open and honest conversation with your partner.
Before having this conversation, ask yourself this question: Can I go into this with an open heart? If the answer is no, it may be important to seek out professional help.
8. Seeking professional help to get unstuck.
When infidelity occurs, therapy can be effective in helping couples navigate difficult situations.
Finding a Therapist who is trained and understands the dynamics of infidelity, but also how to help couples heal and move past this rupture.
Couples therapy isn’t always about saving the relationship. Often it’s about learning how to have difficult conversations and determination if the relationship is worth saving.
It’s important to understand that in order for therapy to work, both people must come in with a desire to change. If one person holds the belief that the other person is responsible to do more of the work in therapy, it will be difficult to move forward in your journey to healing.
Dr. Richard Mills is a New York City based Sex Therapist. Tune in weekly to Talk Sex With Dick, where he addresses issues related to sex, sexuality, dating and life.
